I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
