one two three fourrrrnication!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Randomize
