Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
