So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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