Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Soap is not a condiment
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
