just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
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