Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
