I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
