if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
