Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Vodka?
Forever.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
