3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
