I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That's how pantless uber rides happen
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
