who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
