i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
