thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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