we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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