Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I looked at my own cervix.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
