that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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