I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My butt remains clenched, sir.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
