I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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