I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
