Are we in a gay sports bar?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
