VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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