Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
