what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
