maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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