dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
