I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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