Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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