Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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