bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
