the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
