just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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