im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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