oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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