dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
