fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
