What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
