This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
