I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
