I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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