farters have to be the big spoon...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
