I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
