wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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