Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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