She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
