Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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