I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
