so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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