I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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