Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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