I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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