Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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