if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
