Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
