Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
