So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
