My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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