Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
