I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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