Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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