my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
